Fix Me Now
by Lunacy Ordered
Summary: Her lover is dead. How can Hermione go on? The only thing keeping her alive now is the need for revenge.... but maybe someone can fix her? ::Will be completed today::
1. Prolouge Lost Love

_ Pop!_

Hermione apparated into the cold, familar place, stumbling slightly.

_ Guardian Cemetary_. It was a place for the people who died in the war. It was full of graves from both the first war and the second and now getting fuller nearly everyday.

It was a place for the people who died in the war. It was full of graves from both the first war and the second and now getting fuller nearly everyday 

Tears fell silently down her face as she took a long drink from the bottle of scotch in her hand. The amber liquid burning as it slid down her throat.

Slowly she walked past the graves, noting the names of the people she had known.

_Cedric Diggory_

_1977 - 1995_

_Sirius Black_

_1960 - 1996_

_Oliver Wood_

_1976 - 1997_

_Bill Weasley_

_1970 - 1997_

_Angelina Johnson_

_1977 - 1996_

_Hannah Abbott_

_1980 - 1998_

_Fleur Delacour_

_1977 - 1997_

_Colin Creevey_

_1981 - 1996_

_Susan Bones_

_1980 - 1997_

_Michael Corner_

_1981 - 1998_

_Pavarati Patil_

_1980 - 1998_

So many names. So many friends. Dead. Picked off as if they were nothing.

Finally she reached the grave she came to see. She took another long swig as she slumped to the ground next to the headstone. Tears renewed their force and she sobbed out loud.

She reached out to touch the stone, her sleeve falling away from her arm, baring scars and cuts that enveloped her wrist and forearm. Taking yet another drink from the bottle she traced the letters and numbers on the stone.

_Ronald Weasley_

_1980-1998_

_ Why isn't it raining? _She thought irrationaly, downing the last of the bottle. _It should be raining._

Hey baby. It's me."

* * *

A/N Yes its short but I covered this in my other fic. I write short chappies... I know I shouldn't be starting another story when I still have the other but what can I say... my muse demanded it... she's a pushy little bugger... Also... I tried to get really precise on the birth years and lots of math was involoved so if its off take it with a grain of salt... Also remember I review you if you review me! So go and review damn it!

Lots of love,

Audrey


	2. Chapter 1 The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

_Beep beep beep beep_

Hermione groaned as she reached over her head trying to smack the snooze button to no avail rolling into the spot where Ron should be laying.

She sat up, tossing of the comforter, slaming her hand down on the alarm to shut it off, and snatching the asprin of the bed side table. Her head was pounding from her little drinking and crying escapade last night. She quickly made the bed, wincing when she moved a little to fast, and stripped off her clothes, tossing them into the hamper as she walked into the bathroom.

She turned on the water in the shower, adding a healthy dose of cold, telling herself it was time to wake up. She stepped under the spray letting it hit her back, massaging tense muscles. She watched as the dirt and grime from the cemetary slowly swirled down the drain.

After half an hour, she stepped out of the shower, snatched a towel of the rack and drying off as she walked toward the mirror. She looked into the glass, the image greeting her was one she was quickly becoming used to seeing.

Her eyes were still a little red and puffy but that wasn't really the problem. The problem was how pale, and hollow looking she'd become. The spark that used to reside in her carmal eyes was gone, replaced by dark circles and a haunted look that came from seeing so many horrific deaths. Her flawless skin had become faded, ashy even, she rarely smiled and when she did her heart usually wasn't in it.

She cast a glamor on her eyes, not bothering to try and hide the paleness of her face and "accio"-ed some clothing. Jeans and a plain tshirt were her common appearance. She sighed and placed her wand in her pocket, grabbing a jacket and a book. No way was she being stuck on guard duty with nothing to do, not again. Some things never change, Hermione's thirst for knowlege an always constant presence.

As she was walking out the door, she grabbed the warm piece of toast sticking out of toaster.

_Lovely thing, enchanted toasters. _She thought as she took a bite. _Slightly illeagal but, hey, they butter the toast and everything. _

* * *

Hermione walked into the dinning room of number 12 Grimmauld Place to find everyone already there and awaiting her arrival. 

"How nice of you to grace us with your pressence, Ms. Granger." Drawled Snape from his place at the table. She had reverted to her maiden name after Ron's death, finding it to painful to be called Mrs. Weasley, not she actually enjoyed in to begin with. She wasn't Mrs. Weasley. Molly was; it just didn't sit right in Hermione's head.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Snape, checking her watch.

"Shove off. I'm only five minutes late."

"Yes. Well," McGonagall said from the her place at the table, "I remember when being late was your idea of original sin."

"Alot of things have changed since then, Minerva." Dumbledore said.

"Agreed." Answered Lupin.

Hermione looked around the room at all the people. Harry, Ginny, Fred, George, Molly, Arthur, Minerva, Snape, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Tonks, Mad-eye, Lupin, and a few more Aurors.

_Brought out all the troops for this one haven't you, Albus?_ Hermione thought. _Wonder whats up?_

"I have brought you all here today because I have more bad news."

The whole room's stomach tightened at those words, fearing who was killed, or worse.

"I'm afraid that Mr. Malfoy has struck again, this time his victim being, Luna Lovegood."

The room visably winced.

_Loony Luna Lovegood._ Hermione tooka deep breath, trying to steady herself.

"Is the body at least recognizable thing time?" Perfect. Cold, calm, collected... and painful as hell.

Harry looked across the table at her, sneering at what had become of his long time friend. She had been like this for months and he couldn't understand why she was so cold. How she could say such things of someone who had been their friend.

"No, blood tests had to be run." Snape said. Then as an after thought adding, "Again."

_Again._

Hermione's toast threatened to make a reappearance at what the word reminded her of. Ron had been the first, the first in a series of murders acted out by Lucius Malfoy. Starting nearly 5 months ago. He left the bodies of his victims so mangled, so distorted that they had to have blood identification run on them.

_Five months,_ Hermione thought. _Has it really been that long since I found him?_

Hermione had stumbled across Ron's mutilated body on May 4th 1998. She'd never forget that image. His skin was peeled from his body, several fingers missing as well. His red hair was so stained with blood that you couldn't tell that it had been red to begin with. Stab wounds covered his body, in nonvital places. Proof that his life was prolonged, that he was tortured before Lucius had slit his throat.

His eyes were ripped out, his tounge, cut out, his ears, gouged with some type of spike. Its said by many people that by cutting out the tounge, eyes, and ears it sends a soul to the after life, deaf, dumb, and blind. Causing them to be forever stuck in a limbo like state, unable to move on.

When Hermione saw him, she threw up on the ground next to him. Then after hearing that it was in fact Ron's body, she went completely comatose, her mind replaying the scene of discovering him, adding carious horrific deatils, only this time she knew it was Ron. It took Dumbledore three and a half hours to bring her out of her blank state. After that, terror filled her nights, the most frequent nightmare being stuck there watching his death unfold, powerless to stop it.

Hermione had also found the next two mangled forms. Pavarati Patil being second and Hannah Abbott being third. They seemed to all be in places she frequented. She often wondered if it was a personal attack on her seeing as how she always found the bodies, and wondered when it would be Ginny next, or Harry, perhaps even Dumbledore himself. And now poor Luna.

She took another steadying breath.

"Where'd they find the body?"

"Flourish and Blotts." Snape answered.

_Another place I've been frequenting lately. _Another deep breath.

"Who found the body?"

"I did." Ginny said from her place behind Harry, tears in her eyes.

Hermione's heart went out the girl, it really did. She knew how it felt, three times over, but she refused to show it. If she let anything she was feeling out, then all of it would come bursting forth. She'd let the dam burst when she was alone, or with Ron.

_The trick is to keep breathing._ Hermione took another breath.

"Is that all?"

"Yes. That is all."

She looked over at Ginny wrapped in Harry's arms, the poor girl had burst into sobs, and caught Harry's look. It was pure repulsion. A look that had once been reserved for Draco Malfoy. She turned away getting ready to walk out the door. It made her heart ache to know that that look was directed at her, but she refused to let it show. Thinking maybe if it didn't show, it might go away.

* * *

A/N-- Hmm It seems I like starting this fix with sounds huh? Thanks for the review... NOT. Sigh. I hate not being reviewed... I mean I tried to bribe you guys and everything and you pain in the asses still won't review. Sigh. Such is life. Losers.

Audrey


	3. Chapter 2 Hate and Pain

Chapter Two – Hate

* * *

As soon as Hermione was out of number 12 Grimmauld Place, she ran. Ran as hard and fast as she could. There were wards all around the house so no one could apparate or disapparte into or out of the house but they could apparate from room to room once they were inside and Hermione needed to get home. Now. 

Harry sent her over the edge with that look. It hurt so much to know he hated her. As soon as she was out of the wards reach, she disapparted with a _pop._

Hermione appeared in the living room of her flat, and fell to her knees, sobbing into her hands. Luna was dead, Ron was dead, and Harry hated her. What was the point of living?

The answer stifled her cries and slowly brought her to her feet. Revenge. It was her sole mission in life now. To kill, to torture, to destroy Lucius Malfoy. She never thought that she could hate. She wasn't exactly fond of Draco but hate? Well, it was an emotion that Hermione had been sure she wasn't capable of having. Now it felt like hate was the only thing left inside of her. Hate and Pain.

Thoughts of Lucius brought her full circle to thoughts of finding Ron and the sobs returned. Bloodlust only ease the pain so much. She slowly walked into the kitchen and grabbed a full bottle of vodka from under the cupboard. She twisted the top open and just as she was about to take a long swig, a sliver glint caught her eye. A steak knife was laying on the counter.

She sighed looking back and forth between the bottle and the knife. She decided that she'd rather have a sore arm then suffer through another hangover in the morning. She set the bottle down the on couter snatched up the knife and walked over to the sink.

* * *

The next morning, when Hermione heard the alarm go off, she slowly sat up and yelled at it.

"God damn it! Why do you have to go off at the most inopportune times? What did I ever do to you? And what the hell does he need now?" she sighed, exasperated.

Dumbledore could set the it to go off whenever there was a meeting that the owner of the alarm needed to attend. Hermione was starting to regret her 'brilliant' idea of enchanting the damned things.

She got up and made the bed, noticing that there was blood on the sheets. She looked at her arm. There was blood smeared on it as well. Two quick scourgifys took care of the mess.

She took a quick cold shower and placed a glamor on her arm. Wouldn't do for everyone finding out she was harming herself and locking her up in the loony bin.

She sighed and changed her clothes. Grabbing another book, _Creating Spells and Potions: Advanced, _as she walked out the door, wand in pocket. She still wasn't planning on getting stuck on guard duty with nothing to do and she had some horrific spells to create.

* * *

When she walked into Harry's house she noticed that almost no one had arrived yet. Snape, Harry, and Dumbledore were the only ones there. She checked her watch..

What the hell? Usually the alarm is only set for an hour before the meeting. She should be 15 mnutes late by now. She looked over and Dumbledore and noticed he had that knowing look on his face and a twinkling in his eyes. She often wondered how, after everything, he still remained so normal. How his eyes weren't as cold and dead as hers because surely he had seen more, worse than she.

She walked into the room and took a seat in between two empty chairs.

"Early today, I see, Ms. Granger." he said smiling.

Now she understood. There was no one here because she was early. She was early because the old coot had made her alarm go off two hours before the meeting. She smiled, her first real smile in weeks.

Harry noticed Hermione's smile and wondered if maybe his friend was finally coming back and smiled in return at her. He hoped that maybe she would eventually go back to the normal Hermione that he missed so much, but just as soon as it came, the smile that graced her features was gone and replaced by that same hollow, indifferent mask that she always wore now. Suddenly Harry felt that maybe he'd lost more in this war than he had thought.

* * *

Audrey's Notes -- I still have my gaurentee... yay toHotaru420 and Melody Prycefor reviewing! Thanks guys! I won't be updating for alittle bit. My bday is comeing up and we are going away for a little while...umm I think thats all. So review review review! oh and visit Sarahs site! (my homepage) yes i know I'm not Sarah.. just go look at it okay? 


	4. Chapter 3 Not Again

**Chapter Three – Not Again**

Half an hour later, the entire Order was there.

Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Lupin, Harry, Ginny, Fred, George, Molly, Arthur, Hagrid, Tonks, Mad-eye, Neville and still more.

_Must be time to strike back, _Hermione thought. Usually the only time everyone in the Order was calledwhen someone was dead, or it was time to plan an attack.

"Good morning everyone." Dumbledore looked around the room at the faces. Some had remained they way they always had been. Somehow those lucky few had retained the ability to feel. While others had changed so drastically they were hardly recognizable anymore. Aching hearts forced to lay down and play dead. Faces hiding behind indifferent masks. They were the ones who deserved their grief. The ones so changed by the war that most would never recover.

"I recently received word from an informant that there is a scheduled attack on Diagon Alley. Soon. We must be there to stop them."

Finally, was the word on everyone's mind.

"Stupefy!" Hermione heard the curse coming at her and deftly dodged the stream of red light, firing back at her attacker.

"Gregory Goyle." Hermione said, wand poised for attack, a sick grin on her face.

"Mudblood." Goyle grinned back at her with just as much malice on his face.

"Why you little son of..."

"Tarantallegra!" Goyle shouted at her before she could finish her sentence.

"Protego!" The spell bounced back towards Goyle but dissipated before it had a chance to reach him. "Diffindo!" Hermione shouted the words and watched as a burst of red and orange shot from her wand hitting Goyle dead center in the chest. She smiled, as she watched with sick satisfaction as Goyle was torn apart, screaming. Then she quickly moved on to another target, searching.

"Patrificus totalus!" She quickly put Crabbe into a full body bind and began running through the crowds of fighting witches, wizards and deatheaters. He had to be there. Surely he wouldn't miss this?

She continued running about desperately searching, firing off curses, hexes, and jinxes. She had to find him. She knew he was here somewhere. She could feel his presence like a heavy weight on her chest.

Soon the _pop! _of apparating deatheaters could be heard as well as the sounds of cheers coming up from the people of Diagon Alley.

This battle was over and the light side had won. But Hermione sneered at the cheers. She knew that this wasn't even the beginning.

It wasn't even close.

The scent of death was heavy in Diagon Alley, screams and cries of grief mixing with those of relief

as witches and wizards found others either dead or alive. Hermione had to get away from it. She'd done all she could anyway.

She had helped all the medi-witches that were running about like chicken with their heads cut off. Using some spells of her own creation such as _obturo flumen_, which worked like a tourniquet, quickly cutting off blood flow, while others she's learned in an advanced book full of healing spells such as _obtorpesco,_ which numbed pain almost instantly.

After helping heal everyone that could be saved, Hermione began dragging the dead bodies up into an orderly line so they could be identified and picked up by the families. Many such as, Lisa Turpin, Kevin Whitby, Geoffrey Hooper, she knew would be ending up in Guardian Cemetery. Hermione was sure that Dumbledore had not known how many people would end up in the cemetery when he created it. They were running out of space as it was.

But now it was just too much for her handle. She walked quietly out of the town of Diagon Alley and towards the woods. She noticed, with some delectation, how all of the dead deatheaters were left where they fell. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a familiar face and turned back, looking at the body.

She grinned.

Bellatrix Lestrange. Blood pooled around her horribly disfigured body and Hermione noted that she was missing an arm. That, however, wasn't what made her smile. No, it was the fact that her body was covered in a name. Carved deep into the flesh, and probably deep into the muscle as well was the name Longbottom.

Neville had finally gotten his revenge.

She would definitely have to congratulate him. Curious though, she hadn't seen him with the injured or the healers. She shrugged it off. Thinking hadn't really been looking for him.

Hermione walked further towards the woods following a path she took often when she needed time to clear her head. It lead straight through to the cemetery. Which suited her just fine as that was where she spent most of her time anyway.

She caught a flash of red out of the corner of her eye and turned back. Black spots danced in front of her eyes and her breakfast threatened to make a return visit to her mouth as one last thought went screaming through her mind before she lost all feeling to the darkness.

_Dear God. Not again._

_----------------------------------------------------_

_flumen a **stream of blood**, tears, etc.._

_obturo to stop up._

_obtorpesco to become stiff , **numb**, insensible._


	5. Chapter 4 At Least Your Human

**Chapter Four – At Least Your Human**

Hermione stumbled into number 12 Grimmauld place as Dumbledore was reading off the list of dead.

"...Alexandra Puckle, Lisa Turpin, Harold Lank, Kevin Whitby,and Geoffrey Hooper, are dead. Hermione and Neville are still missing."

Hermione resisted the urge to faint again as the black spots danced in front of her eyes again. She walked into the dinning room and took a seat. She still had no idea how long she'd been out.

"Not anymore."

All heads turned to her. She was covered in blood, sweat and mud. It had been nearly two hours since the battle. Why hadn't she cleaned up?

"Ms. Granger. Good to see your back." McGonagall said truly relieved to see Hermione alive, even if she didn't show it.

"Neville is still gone."

"Neville." Hermione took a breath. "No he's... I mean... I found him. Lucius..." she trailed off. Everyone understood.

"If Mr. Malfoy got a hold of someone again, how to do you know it was Longbottom." Snape drawled lazily as if none of this fazed him in the least. Hermione took a breath and muttered something about incorrigible professors and their deatheater ex-friends.

"Mr. Malfoy was kind enough to leave his head intact."

Hermione heard Ginny gasp. She was the only person, excluding Dumbledore, Snape and Lucius himself, who could know what that had possibly looked like. Even Snape looked perturbed by this new development. The whole room was silent as they processed the information that Neville was dead.

He had shown great skill as an auror, his anger at the insanity of his parents had driven him and in sixth year he had finally come out of his shell.

She smiled a bit. At least he had succeeded in killing Bellatrix. Hermione knew the spell he had used on her. _Insculpo _followed by whatever word the caster wished to be cut in to the skin. She'd taught it to him and she planned to use it on Lucius along with many other tortures of her own design.

Dumbledore cleared his throat drawing the attention of the Order from their macabre thoughts.

"I have spoken with all the informants I know and none of them are sure if Lucius is acting out of his own insanity or if this ... atrocity is the madness of Voldemort."

Fred winced as Dumbledore said Voldemort's name, reminding Hermione painfully of Ron. Who still, after all these years, hadn't been able to restrain the grimace that crossed his face whenever the name was said. She was tempted to lean over and say, as she has so many times with Ron, fear of a name promotes only fear of the thing itself, but she refrained. She still wasn't on solid ground with Fred. He claimed she reminded him to much of Ron. If fact, he'd alienated a lot of his family. So, she wasn't entirely sure how Fred would react to her joking.

"If that's all..." Hermione gestured to her grimy clothing and body.

"No. Its not. I believe..."

Dumbledore's word were cut short as Harry's voice rang out, in a paroxysm of fury.

"How the hell can you just _sit_ there?" He screamed jumping up and walking around the table towards her. "Neville is _dead, _Hermione. Dead. Ron's dead, Pavarati's dead, Oliver's dead, Hannah's dead, Susan's dead and you just sit there like you have something better to do. Like this is all just a waste of your _precious fucking _time."

As he continued to rant and rave at her, she bit the inside of her cheek willing the tears that threatened to show back inside. She tasted the blood as Harry went on and on, coming up with new insults and repeating things he already said. No one made a move to stop him. Everyone was stunned. Everyone had been walking on egg shells around Hermione. Her drastic change in personality after Ron's death, left everyone believing she was highly unstable.

Harry was breathing heavy, tears running down his face, nearly sobbing. Hermione took yet another breath try desperately to steady her shaking hands and near tear eyes.

"Are you done?"

"No! I hate you! I want my friend back. I want Hermione back. Not this cold heart mudblood bitch!"

That did it. It sent her over the edge. Her shaking hands balled into fists so hard that the nails dug into her palms, drawing blood. Then she quickly drew back her right fist and slammed it forward into Harry's face. He fell backwards, Lupin just barely catching him. Blood spattered her hand, and she made another move to hit him again but was grabbed from behind by Tonks.

She instantly stilled as if just realizing what she'd done. Regret instantly took over every fiber of her being and Tonks, as if sensing this let her go. Harry looked at her holding a handkerchief to his bloody broken nose and smiled at her. A smile of both relief, anger, and sadness.

"At least now we know your human."

**insculpo - to cut or carve in, engrave**


	6. Chapter 5 I'm Destorying Myself

**Chapter 5 – I'm Destroying Myself**

"More people died today. There was a fight at Diagon Alley. I found... Neville." Hermione closed her eyes and took a breath as she leaned her head back against Ron's grave as she spoke. She supposed she should probably look on the bright side. At least Neville's spirit wasn't deaf, dumb, and blind right?

But Merlin, the site of him. She shuddered. Even when she'd found Ron, it hadn't been enough to make her black out. There wasn't anything to make it recognizable as human, let alone her husband. But Neville's body was enough. His face was so twisted into a look of agony. Frozen forever in pain. It was a sight she'd dream about for years to come she was sure.

Hermione rolled up her sleeve. Her arm was a mess of cuts. She pulled her wand out of her pocket and pointed it at her arm.

"Interscindere ." She whispered.

Shallow cuts tore through her arm and blood spilled out onto the grass. It kept going, as if an invisible blade was slowly ripping through her skin. She sighed in pleasure, then in disgust quickly muttered:

"Desinere."

The cutting stopped but she kept bleeding. She watched as the blood lazily poured out of the cuts, ran down her arm and dripped onto the grass. It felt good but she couldn't stand who she was becoming. She was a horrible masochistic person. Her husband was dead, her best friend couldn't stand her, and yet instead of doing something, she sat here tearing up her arm, and enjoying it.

"I'm destroying myself and I can't stop." She took a breath, cast a quick spell to stop the bleeding and stood up.

Crunch.

Hermione started to turn around, but she quickly felt strong arms wrap around her. One snaked around her waist and holding her in place, the other pressed a cold, slightly wet, cloth over her nose and mouth. She breathed in through the rag and smelled...

_Oh no, chloroform_.

Then everything quickly went dark.

* * *

Audrey's notes -- Heres the thing I'm up to like chapter 7 on another site and I always forget to post here so I'm just going to stop. If you can't get the site for whatever reason I'll email the chapters to you. It won't let me post a link in here so if you want to keep reading it email me at and I'll send you the link okay?

Audrey


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